PASADENA — Local man Derek Paulson, 36, successfully completed his entire morning routine on Thursday without once checking his phone, sources confirmed, adding that he has no idea what to do with himself now that it's 8:47am and he has already showered, made coffee, and eaten breakfast.
"I just kind of sat there," Paulson told reporters, gesturing vaguely at the kitchen table where he had been sitting for approximately eleven minutes without stimulation. "I didn't know what to do with my hands."
Paulson, who had read an article about "digital minimalism" on his phone at 11:30pm the previous night, had decided to attempt a "phone-free morning" as part of what he described as "a broader commitment to intentional living," a phrase he had also read on his phone.
The experiment began promisingly. Paulson woke at 6:45am, placed his phone face-down on the nightstand, and proceeded to shower without once pausing to check whether anyone had texted him. He then made coffee using a process that took significantly longer than usual because he could not look up whether he was supposed to use one tablespoon or two.
The Disorientation Phase
"I think I used too much coffee," Paulson said. "Or not enough. I genuinely don't know. I used to know this. I think I used to know this."
By 8:15am, Paulson had eaten breakfast, washed his dishes, and found himself standing in his living room with no clear sense of what to do next. He considered reading a book but could not remember where he had put the book he was currently reading, as he had been using his phone to track his reading progress and could not access that information.
The content culture and social media implications of Paulson's experience were not lost on observers. "He's basically discovered that his entire sense of what to do next is mediated by the device," noted one neighbor who asked not to be named. "Which is either a profound insight or just a Thursday morning."
Paulson spent approximately twenty minutes looking out the window before deciding to check his phone "just to see if anything important had happened," at which point he discovered that nothing important had happened but that he had received seventeen notifications, which he described as "actually kind of a relief."
Lessons Learned
"I think the takeaway is that I need to build up to it," Paulson said. "Maybe start with just not checking my phone for the first five minutes. And then work up from there." He paused. "I'm going to read about how to do that."
The youth culture and tech community has noted that Paulson's experience is not unique, with many adults discovering that the phone-free morning is significantly more disorienting than anticipated. "The phone isn't just a distraction," one observer noted. "It's the entire structure of the morning. Remove it and you have to rebuild the structure from scratch, which requires knowing what you actually want, which is a much harder problem."
Paulson confirmed he would be attempting the phone-free morning again next week. He has set a reminder on his phone.
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